tequila makes me forget i have legs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
