I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
