I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do vagina's smell?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize