3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
