i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
