lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
