saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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