I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
