how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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