He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
