Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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