Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
