just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
