did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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