I just threw up on my dentist
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
