My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
