I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
