I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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