Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
