what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
