Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
