i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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