How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
