i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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