i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
