Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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