I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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