Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
