someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
