The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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