Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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