I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
