I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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