The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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