I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
