how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
