Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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