New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I'm really busy with my period
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