:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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