he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
