No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
