I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he puts the penis in happiness.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
