she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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