One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
