Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
