Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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