I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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