My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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