she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
