Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
