I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
