Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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