no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
