You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
