I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
