god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Four minutes until I can fart!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
