If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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