For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
