I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
