I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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