Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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