i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
