If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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