I just cut my nipple shaving
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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