Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a hot homeless man
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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