If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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