Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
