it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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