What a fucking waste of an outfit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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