You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
