i permit you to call me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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