She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
4 words: hood of his car
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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